How long do I have to pay?

I know that I have made mistakes in my past, but I am trying to get my life straightened out. I just started to feel like I was moving forward, and then I read something that James posted on facebook back on March 6th. It was the anniversary of when our marriage ended, and what he wrote cut me to the quick. The thing is I wouldn't have ever known he had posted it, but I was on our son's account checking to see if some family had responded to their 8th grade celebration invite.

I give up, I was in such a good mood, but now I feel like I have been stabbed in the back. I won't be sharing this post on facebook, but I needed to vent. So only if someone has a link here will anyone will see it.

Better day

Ok.. yesterday I went to Topeka with James and we had a lovely lunch at Olive Garden. It gave us a chance to really talk about a lot of things going on. No we are not going to be getting back together, but we were able to work out somethings.

One of those days

Have you ever had one of the days when you just feel blah? You see things around you that need to be done, but then you think..Why? No one will notice any way. You try and find something to do that will bring you a little joy, but nothing seems to?

I am having one of those days, I need to vaccum the house.. but why? I should do the dishes, but why? It's so much easier to sit on my rear and do nothing.

New Beginning

I have been in a flunk for a year now. My Marriage has ended, got into a bad relationship that ended up harming not only me but my children. Would have been homeless but for the Grace of God and my ex husband letting me live with him and the kids.

I took a CNA class and passed with flying colors, while I don't have a steady 8 hour job, I do have work with one lady doing home health.

I am battling depression, but am not going to give into it. My kids deserve to have a mother around, if for no other reason than to LOVE them with all her heart. That is my JOB, and I will fight for every right to do it.

Down

Lately I have felt down, I have been to two funerals this month. One of a 17 yr old boy who was like another son to me. And my cousin Kenny who was only 3 yrs older than me. It has been hard to know how quick life can change.

Another school year is comming up, Aug. 11th and I didn't finish last years. It can carry over, just more work for this year. I want to focus on school more.. I know I say that every year.. but I am more dedicated this year.

I might have to quit my job, which is fine.. I miss my family time. I hardly see James anymore and it's hard on my family. It has proved that the girls can be more responsible though.. so that is a good side effect.

I know I am rambling, just have alot on my mind.. and what better place to ramble than my own blog!

I have made a list of goals that I would like to accomplish this year.. but don't have time to post them right now. Main thing is to spend more time with God and my family.. learn to love myself..and then I can love my family like I should.

Remember our puppy?

Back when we got her she was so small and cute:







Ummm now she is huge.. and still growing.








And of course can't forget my big baby Girl:

Fun time

Yesterday we visited our friends that live in the country (yes 3 miles out is country). We had hoped to spend a few hours there, but a friend called and wanted me to babysit.. so we had about an hour with them. It seems if we plan a visit in advance, it rains or we have other complications. But last minute seems to work just fine.

Fun pictures of the kids swimming.










Pierre wanted in on the action too.





Picture of Vicki that she didn't want me to take.






Last but not least a few of our kids and their sign.


















One more day till I have another teenager in the house, the last of our children's birthdays! Not sure what we will be doing.. probably something cheap but fun.

Rain, rain go away

Every time I make plans it rains! I am tired of the rain and puddles in my yard.

I do have new pictures of the kids.. I hope you enjoy them: